billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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