'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Floor bacon is actually really good
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize