my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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