If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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