i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
