are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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