I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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