someone get that fucking seahorse.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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