Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
