Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
