Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
