i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
