You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
