Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
