Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
