my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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