Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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