My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
