Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
