Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize