i just had sex bonerless
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
