Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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