Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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