I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
