when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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