i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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