fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
