WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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