I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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