watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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