Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize