Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
