This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
