i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
