In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
