carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
