How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize