After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
