Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
