I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
