I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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