you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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