So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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