we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
