Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
