I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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