Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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