tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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