i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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