Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
