Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
