You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She needs sedatives and a leash
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
