so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
