Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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