people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize