At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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