Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
