I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
