Nicole vs. Life
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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