thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
