I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
