why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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