goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize