official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
