ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
